Yawning Puppy Successfully Quarantined

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Los Angeles, CA — Local reporter and truth-teller Joe Kalavity had a scare this morning when dog and trusted Fluff News journalist Señor Fluffer began showing symptoms of sleepiness. Kalavity reports that the contagion has been successfully contained.

“I had to act fast to prevent further sleepiness as well as spread to others,” says Kalavity. “In this case, patient’s symptoms became apparent at 0800 hours during our morning walk. It was at this point that I immediately transferred him home, where he was put on isolated bedrest until further evaluation.

“At this time I can confidently report that the pupper’s sleepiness has been neutralized.”

close up of dog yawningDrowsy Puppy Syndrome is as common as it is contagious. Experts warn that it’s even communicable between species. “It’s hard to account for every case since most go unreported,” our source says. “But we believe it affects billions every year.”

In one notable breakout in 1908, one puppy’s yawn spread to over two hundred Chicagoans in a matter of hours. Historians call it “the cutest epidemic on record.”

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In addition to yawning, DPS is associated with symptoms of inactivity, lack of interest in play, stubbornness, circling in place, and involuntary nodding.

There aren’t many viable options for prevention. As stated on the CDC’s website: “What are we gonna do, tell you to not look at yawning puppies?”

When reached for comment, a representative from the CDC said, “Look, if you’re that worried about it, just drink a sh*tload of coffee.”

They added, however, that the best option is “to not fight it.”

At press time, Kalavity was showing signs of DPS. He is currently on bedrest with Señor Fluffer.

 

Author: Joe Kalavity

A lone reporter with a passion for truth.

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