With police officers across the country becoming increasingly strict with protesters and rioters alike, even videos of reporters being shot with rubber bullets and paint cannisters have surfaced. This has led many to voice concern that the First Amendment, which guarantees freedom of the press without government interference, is in jeopardy. We here at Fluff News hold our right to cover uplifting and positive stories most dearly. Without freedom of speech, there is no individual. Without freedom of the press, there is no truth.

That said, we have seen the videos and the reports. While concerning, it is the position of the Fluff News staff and editors that they are no cause for alarm. We can fully and confidently say, that — Ow!

What the — OW!

Shit! That hurt!

Okay, we got caught in the crossfire for a second there. Our mistake.

… Are we good? Okay.

As I was saying, there is no reason to fear. The Constitution has been tested countlessly throughout American history, and our inalienable rights always prevail.

They endured in 1931, when the Supreme Court ruled a Minnesota law targeting publishers of scandalous newspapers unconstitutional. Forty years later, it ruled 6 – 3 that our rival, the New York Times, was legally justified in publishing the leaked Pentagon Papers.

So the fact that journalists have been attacked by police over 120 times since May 28 while covering Black Lives Matter protests does not frighten us at all. We hope our readers will join us in cautious optimism that there is no real threat to our — AH! Oh God! They’re hitting us again! AH!

Jesus, that hurt! It was an accident, right? They probably just didn’t realize. Still though, ow.

Despite how it may seem, the First ow Amendment OW is strong as it’s ever FUCKING SHIT, I’M DOING MY JOB.



… From all of us at Fluff News, stay strong.

– Joe Kalavity, Chief Editor of Fluff News

Now let’s get the fuck out of AHH MY EYE