Intoxicated Vegan Orders Wellness Shots For Entire Juice Bar

Venice, CA — After a day of heavy drinking, reports say area vegan Lana Tripoli ordered a round of wellness shots for a crowd of twenty Juicecrafters patrons as they waited in line, making everyone’s day.

“She just stumbled in at 4:30 in the afternoon with a 6-pack of Angry Orchards, cut the line and yelled, ‘Wellness shots on me, bitches!'” reports Alex Reiner, the cashier who took her order. “She slammed her credit card down on the counter and everybody started cheering.”

“It was nuts, dude. She was up on the tables knocking back fusion blends like it was nothing, bro! You shoulda been there!” says Jonah Frye, who stopped into the café on a juice shuffle.

His friend Derek adds, “Trev is gonna have hella FOMO, dude. He’s fasting though so it’s cool.”

Juicecrafters employee Shawna Pierce says she wasn’t thrilled with Tripoli’s behavior, but allowed her to stay anyway. “She was being way extra. But then everybody was tipping us really well so, whatever.”

“We did have to yell at her when she reached over the counter and grabbed our hemp seeds. Started crushing them up with a razor, I was like nah,” says Reiner.

Reports say Tripoli was finally ushered out after trying to pick a fight with a vegetarian.

As of press time, Tripoli is passed out on the Venice boardwalk and covered in açaí, so someone should probably come get her.

Author: Joe Kalavity

A lone reporter with a passion for truth.

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