Pensacola, FL — A detergent spill from a sunken cargo ship is rapidly spreading, and authorities report that the local wildlife has never been cleaner.

Witnesses watched in awe Monday night as a cruise liner broadsided a freighter filled with dish soap in the Pensacola Bay, destroying the latter vessel and spilling its contents. Over thirty thousand gallons of premium dish soap have already gushed from the open hull, resulting in heavy sudsing — the likes of which have never been seen in Florida’s history. First responders armed with microfiber sponges are racing against time to make sure it doesn’t go to waste.

“You can really smell the 100% real citrus extracts at work,” reports Ryan Cudahy of the soap’s deep-cleaning technology. Cudahy was one of the first volunteers from the International Wildlife Refuge Center (IWRC) on the scene after the violent collision. In the hours following the spill, hundreds more volunteers have mobilized at the shoreline to take in the revitalizing aroma of the Tropical Moonlight Breeze® that has coated the waters, as well as the one-hundred and twenty species inhabiting them.

The incident has had a heavy impact on local businesses, who say the fast-moving cleanser is taking a devastating toll on dirt and tough stains. Commercial fisherman Ed Dyer reports, “Our usual haul is filthy, but this new triple action formula cuts through the grime and leaves our catch sparkling and fresh.”

Pensacola’s rich ecosystem includes seabirds, turtles, crustaceans, and even sharks and dolphins. Experts say all are at risk of severe deodorization.

photo of a turtle underwater

“It’s such a tragedy,” says Judy Dollive, Director for the IWRC. “I think about all the animals that really need a deep clean like this, but there’s just not enough grease-fighting power for every beach.” She is still determined to do what she can for the wildlife here.

“It’s all we can do.” For now, that’s enough.

At press time, an underwater plume of detergent a mile wide was traveling east toward Panama City. Officials are crossing their fingers.